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Civility and Tolerance, The Civil Citizen, The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves by Alexandra Hudson
Civility tempers and elevates the interactions between citizens, whether or not those citizens are public leaders. Civility begins with recognizing our shared humanity. It starts with seeing that we are more alike than unlike, and viewing our difference in light of our likeness. It starts in small ways, sowing seeds of the friendship and trust that ensure our civitas survives.
Deliberative democracy depends on the premise that people of goodwill can negotiate differences and work together in a productive way through rational—and civil—debate. Civility builds an active willingness to listen to others, to consider their point of view alongside our own, and to evaluate varying conceptions of “the good.” The civil citizen accepts that others have genuinely held moral positions, and that reasonable minds can disagree. These traits are equally essential for all positions along the political spectrum, and for our democracy, public leaders, and citizens alike.
~ Alexandra Hudson, The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles to Heal Society and Ourselves, St. Martin’s Publishing Group, New York, USA, 2023, p. 257.
ALEXANDRA HUDSON is a writer, storyteller, and the founder of Civic Renaissance, a publication and intellectual community dedicated to reviving the wisdom of the past to help us lead richer lives in the present. She was named a 2019 Novak Journalism Fellow, and she contributes to Fox News, CBS News, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Time magazine, Politico magazine, and Newsweek. Her TV series, Storytelling and the Human Condition, was produced with The Great Courses and is available for streaming on Wondrium and Audible. Hudson earned a master’s degree in public policy at the London School of Economics as a Rotary Scholar. An adjunct professor at the Indiana University Lilly Family School of Philanthropy, she lives in Indianapolis with her husband and children.
Zettl Fine Arts said:
As for people of goodwill: In my hometown, Vienna, there was a common saying when there was a conflict: “We won’t need a judge.” This may sound insignificant, but a sentence like this takes the edge off a conflict-prone situation right from the start.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
It’s not at all insignificant, Friedrich. Who needs a judge when we can resolve our differences in a civil manner?
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Denzil said:
Sounds like a very pertinent book in these divisive times. Have downloaded the sample. Thanks for the recommendation Rosaliene.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
You’re welcome, Denzil.
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derrickjknight said:
So very well timed for our age
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
It is, indeed, Derrick.
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Dave Astor said:
Such an important book for a time of so much incivility. Thank you for spotlighting it, Rosaliene.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
You’re welcome, Dave.
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salsaworldtraveler said:
Great share, Rosaliene. I wish politicians conveyed this message.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
Thanks very much, John. As I see it, far too many of our politicians, on all sides of the aisle, have forgotten that civility is essential for building and maintaining a functioning society.
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kagould17 said:
If only it was required reading. People think resolving a problem is a fight, whether it be in politics or in getting the best parking spot. Instead of saying we will fight to win this, we should think how can we cooperate so we both win? Happy Sunday Rosaliene. Allan
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
Thanks very much for sharing your thoughts, Allan. What I especially like about Hudson’s book is the way she traces our understanding of civility, across space and time, as a building block for human civilization.
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Tracy Abell said:
It’s clear to me from our many interactions that you believe in our shared humanity, Rosaliene. However, I’m not so sure about this author. Just days ago she posted a photo of tickets to a talk by Jordan Petersen who is an unhinged transphobe. I’m leery of those who value civility over equality and justice.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
As Hudson makes clear, peaceful coexistence with our fellow humans does not mean that we will agree with or share everyone’s beliefs. At no time does she state that civility negates equality and justice.
“Civility” comes from the Latin “civilis,” which relates to the status, conduct, and character befitting a citizen of the “civitas,” or city. More than conformity to particular rules of conduct, civility is a general attitude toward life with others (Hudson, p. 15).
“We need the disposition that comes from seeing other persons as intrinsically valuable and worthy of respect, despite deep differences” (p. 13).
Hudson shares in the Introduction that a group discussion of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s “Letter from Birmingham Jail,” inspired her to write this book. Dr. King’s letter taught her the following (pp. 8-12):
(1) There is a moral foundation for civility.
(2) In the same way that there are just and unjust formal laws, there are just and unjust informal laws.
(3) There is a fundamental difference between civility and politeness.
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Tracy Abell said:
Hi again! I didn’t mean to imply that the author came right out and said that civility negates equality and justice. She doesn’t state that, but her approval of someone like Jordan Peterson illustrates that she does feel some people don’t deserve equal rights and the justice that comes with being able to choose how to live their lives in their own bodies. Your post really caught my attention because of what I see as a concerted effort from those wanting to uphold the status quo, as they all tsk-tsk about the lack of civility these days (and yes, I DO agree many people do seem to enjoy being unkind to others). I believe most of the finger-waggers don’t like the masses raising their voices and demanding better living conditions and, because things will only continue to get worse, this recent strategy is a preemptive move on their part to shame us into playing nice again. But that’s just my take. I also have to add that many, many people (especially white people and, yes, I am a white woman) love to co-opt pieces of MLK that they consider civilized and non-threatening, while complete ignoring the many radical positions he staked out. I appreciate you starting this conversation with your post, Rosaliene, and thank you for engaging with me. ❤️
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
Tracy, thanks for expanding on your thoughts about this issue. Since I know nothing about the relationship/connection between Hudson and Peterson, I did a Google search. In her essay “Why Jordan Peterson Is the Last Gentleman,” published on the Law & Liberty website on February 20, 2018 (see link below), Hudson offers a very comprehensive look at the man and his teachings. Fascinating. I cannot say if she still thinks of him as “the last gentleman.”
https://lawliberty.org/why-jordan-peterson-is-the-last-gentleman-psychology-existentialism-nihilism/
I’m aware that many people “love to co-opt pieces of MLK that they consider civilized and non-threatening.” As I well know, inspiration for our work can come from the most unlikely places.
As social beings, we depend upon others within society for our survival. It’s not easy. As Hudson’s research reveals, we humans have been struggling with this imperative to get along together since the beginning of human civilization.
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Tracy Abell said:
Thank you for that link. I had no idea Peterson was a Jungian. When I think of Jung, I think back to a college course I took on Dreams and learning how to “work” using a Jungian framework. I absolutely appreciate your point about humans struggling to get along since the beginning of human civilization. That has never changed. Thank you for facilitating thoughts and conversation around all that.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
My pleasure, Tracy 🙂
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Tracy Abell said:
😘
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Mara said:
Sounds like a great book! I think if we had a lot more civil discussions regarding our disagreements we’d be a lot better off and much happier too. Being an opinionated sort myself I must remind myself while it’s not easy it’s also not impossible.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
Mara, it’s a challenge that we all face as individuals who must continually balance our own self-interests with those of others. Hudson’s vast research of the subject reveals what the greatest philosophers and thinkers across the ages have taught us about holding together this fragile enterprise of civilization.
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Mara said:
A challenge indeed! I just finished watching “A Quiet Passion”, a movie about Emily Dickinson. I think it was a great example of how to have these kind of civil discussions. Except that I could never put sentences together the way they did.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
Thanks for mentioning the movie, Mara. Looks interesting. I’m going to check it out. We’re not all gifted with eloquence.
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katharineotto said:
Nice thoughts, which I already use in daily life. I’m glad that others are highlighting the benefits of polite exchange, even through disagreement. Open-mindedness allows for expanded communication.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
Katharine, thanks for adding your thoughts. In the Introduction, Hudson makes clear the distinction between politeness and civility and offers a chart using common, everyday situations (pp. 18-19).
The word “polite” comes from the Latin “polire,” which means “to polish, to make smooth.” Politeness focuses on external appearances; it is about “smoothing over” and diminishing our differences instead of equipping us to act in light of them (Hudson, p. 15). I’ve shared the etymology of “civility” in my comments to Tracy.
“While civility, grounded in respect for the personhood and human dignity of others, is always good, politeness can be–and frequently is–weaponized to silence and suppress disagreement. Civility never silences or steamrolls. In putting the dignity of the other person front and center, it instead seeks to listen and learn (Hudson, p.16).
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Steve said:
I appreciated you sharing these insightful and wise excerpts, Rosaliene. Civility is such a bedrock factor of society, and so undervalued. The words inspired me to write notes to prepare to address, in a civil way, a situation where someone who claims to care for me treated me with a complete lack of decency when I chose not to participate in a conversation on divisive topics I felt unprepared to wade into; a situation which escalated when I politely asked them to stop.
Thank you.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
Steve, I’m happy to learn that the excerpt from Hudson’s book helped you to better resolve a difficult situation. Check out my comments to Katharine about the difference between politeness and civility.
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Steve said:
Yes, there is some good dialogue in the comments. An interesting topic.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
Thanks very much, Steve.
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Yeah, Another Blogger said:
What percentage of the human population is this way, or is very capable of being this way, do you think?
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
Neil, with the exception of failed states due to civil wars, the fact that our societies continue to function is an indication that a large percentage of the human population worldwide continues to work towards the common good.
Hudson notes in Chapter One that incivility is not a new problem. “It’s a timeless human problem that manifests in ways large and small, and is an ever-present danger to harmonious human community” (pp. 31-32).
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ParentingIsFunny said:
Sounds great and much needed.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
We do, indeed, Betsy. There’s so much incivility on display among our representatives in Washington DC.
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ParentingIsFunny said:
Agreed.
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5thgenerationgirl said:
Good recommendation!
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
Thanks very much, Tammy.
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5thgenerationgirl said:
Absolutely!
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drgeraldstein said:
The quotation sounds so reasonable and right until we think of those who don’t listen or show respect and twist the message of the other side. Our alternative is to work within Hudson’s guidelines and encourage others to join us. Thank you, Rosaliene.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
So true, Dr. Stein. We can get so fixated on our own beliefs and what we want, that we fail to respectfully listen to the other side. It reminds me so much of the times when my mother and father shouted insults at each other without hearing what the other was saying.
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Rebecca Cuningham said:
Civility is central to democracy. The past twenty years we have lost the first and came close to losing the second. The media and politics have invented buzz words so that we get mad, rather than opening our ears.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
So true, Rebecca. Our ability to weaponize words is truly amazing.
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Rebecca Cuningham said:
Yes, very well said. That is a particular focus the last two decades, so two sides can snipe at each other.
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Flowerpoet said:
Beautifully inspired. Alas that so many are heavily invested in divisiveness and conflict at this stage of human evolution. When we truly understand the essential oneness of all life, we will emerge from our primitive behaviours. 💖
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
Shelley, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I couldn’t agree more ❤
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Pam Lazos said:
Gosh we need this so much right now!
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
We do, indeed, Pam! Thanks for dropping by 🙂
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Pam Lazos said:
it’s hard to hold one’s breath until November, Rose 🌹 😘
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
Mindful breathing works better for me 🙂
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Pam Lazos said:
😂😂😂
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JoAnna said:
Thank you for this much needed reminder. One of my challenges is when someone starts out believing their opinion is the only one that matters – the only truth. But I can stop and wonder, or ask, with curiosity instead of judgement, (or instead of walking away) where that comes from or if my perception is even accurate. Remembering “our shared humanity, seeing that we are more alike than unlike, and viewing our difference in light of our likeness.” helps in any situation. There’s always common ground.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
My pleasure, JoAnna. I’ve been guilty of holding on to my opinion as the only one that matters, with disastrous results. In my experience, I’ve found that both sides must be open to listening to the other in order to determine what we share in common. It has not always been a win-win situation, but civility facilitated working together within the wider group/office/organization.
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Michele Lee said:
This looks fantastic, Rosaliene. Another great mention by you. Thank you. The quote reminds me of a talk I attended a few years ago at ASU [Arizona State University] by Professor Cornel West and Robert P. George on civil discourse. Impressive bio. I had a rich learning experience with IU [Indiana University]. Go Hoosiers!
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
Thanks very much, Michele. I was not aware that the people of Indiana are called Hoosiers.
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Michele Lee said:
You’re welcome. 🌻 A treat to read your posts.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
Much appreciated, Michele ❤
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africanwomenvoice said:
Civility is something to do with what we call “Ubuntu”, meaning humanity. Ubuntu is characterised by respect, compassion, nobility and the like. Our elders used to tell us we are what we are because of another person, while some people say ‘it takes a village to raise a child’. Many affairs do survive when settled outside court, due to the intervention of people who care.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
Zet Ar, thanks for sharing your South African experience of “Ubuntu.”
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Kym Gordon Moore said:
What a nice review for this book Rosaliene. Love this:
“Deliberative democracy depends on the premise that people of goodwill can negotiate differences and work together in a productive way through rational—and civil—debate.”
If only we humans can understand what civility really means. Thanks so much for sharing this book my sistah friend! 😍📕😘
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
My pleasure, Kym 🙂
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Belladonna said:
Great review!!!!
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
Thanks very much, Belladona.
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Belladonna said:
You’re welcome!
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DutchIl said:
Thank you for sharing!!.. “The saddest aspect of life right now is that science gathers knowledge faster than society gathers wisdom” ( Isaac Asimov)… I think that perhaps there are many who deny change or anything they think may be a threat to their thinking, out of fear generated by those who seek power and use that fear to get the peoples support… hopefully, by using today’s technology, everyone can gather together and acquire a better understanding of the world and each person. and settle any issues with the pen rather than the sword!… “Maybe I’m not so different from everyone else after all. It’s like somebody gave me a puzzle, but I don’t have the box with the picture on it. So I don’t know what the final thing is supposed to look like. I’m not even sure if I have all the pieces” (Sharon M. Draper)… 🙂
Hope all is well in your part of the universe, your path is paved with love and happiness and until we meet again..
May the sun shine all day long
Everything go right, nothing go wrong
May love and laughter light your days,
and warm your heart and home.
May those you love bring love back to you
And may all the wishes you wish come true
May your troubles be less
Your blessings be more
And nothing but happiness
Come through your door
(Irish Saying)
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
So true, Dutch. Thanks for dropping by and sharing your thoughts 🙂
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Vinny said:
Civility and tolerance. Two things that seem to be dying out. In this age of cancel culture, the internet especially, so much hate( on both sides ) and nobody seems prepared to actually listen to each other.
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Rosaliene Bacchus said:
Our sad reality, Vinny 😦 It’s like we’re speaking two different languages.
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