Capoey Lake – Essequibo – Guyana
Photo by Marco Basir (Guyana Times International)
Have you ever noticed? We forge our most enduring friendships during our years of childhood innocence. During our high school and college years, we also develop close friendships with others who share similar family backgrounds, interests or ideals. We trust our best friends with our secrets. We accept our best friends with traits that others may consider intolerable because we see their beauty and goodness. We give and receive without keeping score or weighing the advantages.
As a high school teacher and an undergraduate, majoring in geography, at the University of Guyana, I met and became friends with Alex (fictitious name), a history major. A passionate political activist, he was influential in firing my interest in Caribbean political history and the struggle of the working class.
After my career as a high school teacher ended, Alex rescued me from my secretarial job at the Georgetown Head Office of a multinational oil company. He told me about an opening for an Assistant Librarian Trainee at the University of Guyana Library. I applied and got the position.
When I left Guyana for Brazil, I lost touch with my friends. Over sixteen years later, after migrating to the United States, I learned that Alex was a family man and had built a successful career in Guyana. His political activism had not abated. Desiring to reconnect with my old friend, I obtained his e-mail address. My e-mail message was brief. Lots of time had passed since we last spoke. He might not even remember me.
Alex’s response was taut. “Hello Rose. What can I do for you?”
Although separated by time and distance, I still hold certain friends close to my heart. Alex is numbered among them. While a friend may create waves in our life, we may be just a ripple in theirs.
What can I do for you?
This simple question from an old friend speaks volumes about who we are as individuals, our relationship with others, and the society we live in. In our capitalist world, we are far too often viewed merely by our usefulness to others: as voters, consumers of goods and services, workers, or the means to some undisclosed purpose.
It is no wonder, then, that we view the actions of others with suspicion. When old friends contact us, after years of separation, we assume that they’re looking for a favor from us.
I never responded to Alex’s e-mail. Some friendships are short-lived, acting as catalysts in our lives. I am thankful for the time shared with Alex.
Three Worlds One Vision 
Reblogged this on Guyanese Online and commented:
Good one Rosaliene. It made me think and remember many of the childhood friends I had , and still have, and the strong bonds that still cement those early friendships.
A Happy New Year 2014 to you!
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Cyril, thanks for sharing my post with your readers on Guyanese Online.
Migration separated us from our childhood friends, but we discover that those bonds still exist when we meet again.
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yes. I can identify with this. After 33 years I reconnected, thanks to fb and was well received. The years dulled some memories by the cherished ones still blaze.
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Thanks for sharing, Kim. I’ve also reconnected with a few old school friends through Facebook.
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Rosalie, like you, I’ve cherished many of my childhood and school friendships. Many of my lifelong friends are scattered all over, especially, in United States, Canada and England. Sadly, some have gone beyond the horizon. Most memorable are those friends who have always stood by me. Good friends are a marvelous part of living and they will always reside in my heart. True friendship is not a means to an end, but an end in itself……endless.
My best wishes to you and your family for a healthy, happy and fulfilling New Year.
Thanks for sharing your experiences and good luck with the publication of your book and your other endeavors.
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“True friendship is not a means to an end, but an end in itself……endless.”
So true. The joy of true friendship is a blessing that enriches our lives.
As we grow older and get caught up in moving up in the world or just struggling to survive, we can neglect our true friends in favor of those friendships that serve our means to an end.
Thanks for the good wishes for the New Year, Deen. I wish the same for you and your family. Let’s hope 2014 brings us some wonderful surprises.
I need all the luck I can get for publishing my novel. Thanks.
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I sometimes think that part of the problem in recontacting old friends (or indeed in any communication) might be email itself. Its convenience leads to being overwhelmed by the sheer number of them that are received, perhaps sometimes leading to curt responses. I suppose it also depends on what is comfortable and what is expected these days on both sides of an attempt to contact someone; not to mention the moment in their life that the other receives the message, partly because a quick response has become the expectation of all of us. Quite a difference from the days of letter writing. In any case, I’m glad to you feel positive about the place of your friendship with Alex in your life.
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You’ve made a valid point, Dr. Stein. I’ve become so accustomed to communicating by e-mail that I failed to consider the drawbacks of using this means to reconnect with an old friend who, given his position, must be drowning in e-mails. Technology working against us.
Thanks for raising that point. You’ve given me an idea of how I can let him know that I’m thinking of him.
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You are welcome, Rosaliene. Since I have no real idea about this man beyond your post describing him just a bit, I certainly wouldn’t want to say “you should” or “you shouldn’t.” Only that there were some other factors that might have entered the equation. Best of luck if you do try to contact him again.
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Rosealiene, I am not one to respond to just any story, but yours brings to mind the meaning of the word ‘cherish’….it means to protect and care for (someone) lovingly. Example:: “he cared for me beyond measure and cherished me in his heart”
Synonyms: adore, hold dear, love, dote on, be devoted to, revere, esteem, admire; That being said I have stayed in touch with one of my high school friends – Central High School – class of ’69. He is 6 years older than I am, and in fact interviewed me and got me my first job in Guyana in 1970. We have shared a lot of family situations throughout the years and I ‘cherish’ his friendship above most others anywhere else on earth, perhaps because of each of our good intentions and transparency. I have been living in USA since ’72 . He has lived continuously in Guyana all his life, but we forged a friendship and a strong bond because we ‘cherish’ this relationship from the outset 44 years ago and made sure that we NEVER lose touch. Our children and wives have met each other during my several return visits and to make sure that we stay friends, we never impose any religion or politics on each other, This made me think of the fact that we both had mutual friends in high school, none of which the ‘spirit of friendship’ was destined for, and therefore outside of the circle. It is not too late to start a new friendship, one that you could begin to cherish once identified as a ‘friendship’, or to rejuvenate a long lost one, that will become stronger with time. Remember that absence does not always make the heart grow fonder and that people often grow apart very quickly without contact, and even worse, they forget the image of what you looked like ‘back then’ and find it difficult to put 2 and 2 together. As for Alex, he is lost forever unless or until you are emboldened enough or ready to confront the situation by recounting the good times to him that may give him cause to reflect that you were more than a passing acquaintance.
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Thanks so much for taking the time to share your experience of keeping a cherished friendship alive over time and distance.
You’re absolutely correct when you say that “absence does not always make the heart grow fonder and that people often grow apart very quickly without contact, and even worse, they forget the image of what you looked like ‘back then’ and find it difficult to put 2 and 2 together. ”
The fact that Alex’s response still haunts me is a sign that I don’t want him to be “lost forever.” Dr. Stein’s comment about e-mail not being an ideal method for reconnecting with Alex has prompted me to find another means of communication.
A big thank you to you and Dr. Stein for helping me to take a step forward in renewing my efforts to reconnect with an old friend.
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Thanks, Dr. Stein. I think that the time is ripe for me to lend support to an old friend.
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Reconnecting after many years can be incredibly rewarding as well as challenging and sometimes so disappointing as to be painful. So much depends on our own expectations, as well as our memories, including how we believe we were remembered ourselves. I always think it’s worth a try to put out a hand. If I lost a friend years ago and tried to contact him/her and he turned his back or even bit my hand, am I really worse off than had I not tried?
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Angela, thanks for this reminder that I need to take action.
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